Waiting Season

I’m in a season of waiting. Anyone else struggle with being patient? Not always what I’m best at. I tend to think I know what I need and when I need it. Thank God the Lord protects me from a lot of those things I thought I needed. Of course He always knows best and I’m grateful He reminds me that His timing is perfect.
I’m in a season of waiting to figure out what my purpose is during this time in my life. I know the basics, that I’m meant to love the Lord and others. I’m meant to be a good wife, a good Mama and a good friend, but I’m trying to figure out what kind of a job I can get to help bring in some income for my family. I have loved my time to stay home with my kids and will continue to do that until they graduate. I believe it’s so vital for them to have me there when they get home from school. And I only have a short window of time with them and that’s over. I am just trying to make some kind of an income in the meantime and I’m not willing to go get a job that I hate. I’ve been there and done that before and it is not lifegiving. Anyone else going through this same season?
I’m kind of at midlife rediscovering a bit of myself and what I enjoy and where my gifts are. It’s exciting because it’s kind of like the world is at my fingertips! On the other hand it’s a bit overwhelming trying to figure out what I’m good at or what abilities I may have to create an income. For someone who is creative at heart, loves to sing, enjoys decorating and writing poetry and words to songs, it would be fun to do something like that. I’m just not sure at my age if there are options for me in the creative world. Crazy how easy it is to sometimes believe the lie of being a has been and not relevant anymore. I think as a stay at home Mama it’s easy to feel that way after my kids are growing up and don’t need me in the same capacity they did before. I realize though that I’m not done yet. I’m not done parenting, I’m not done learning and growing and God isn’t finished with me yet so there is a lot of hope for the future.
There are so many great things about being at midlife because we have so much more knowledge than when we were younger. There is so much wisdom to give from life and all of the lessons we’ve learned and I’m excited to see how I can give some of mine away. I certainly have so much more to get and learn, but I heard a quote by one of my favorites, Maya Angelou say, “When you get, give and when you learn, teach” . I was able to have three amazing children and I know God gave them to me. In return I gave of my body and helped carry two babies two different times for a friend of mine from college, as her gestational carrier(surrogate). I felt called to do this so she could have her own babies because her body wasn’t able to carry her own. I know this will not be every woman’s calling, but for me it’s what I was meant to do. It was a part of my story and one of the ways I was able to give in a big way. I’m hoping that my life will be a lesson in the ways that when I’ve gotten, I’ve given and when I’ve learned, I’ve taught. If we could all just be willing to give whatever is gained in this life we’d really never stop growing. We would never stop giving love away or feeling love in return. I hope as I continue to learn I can teach also and allow people to learn something from me and the way I’ve lived my life. Maybe after all... that is really my purpose.

This is a song I wrote in the midst of my season of waiting:

Even Now:

You go ahead of me
and create the way
You show me where to go
and who you are
I want to find you
I want to see more
of where you are
I know you're here, oh Lord,
even now

So even now, oh God
lead the way
Even now, when I am scared,
Lead me on
Even now, when its so dark
Help me hold fast to you
Even now, Lord, even now

You take me to the places
where I'm often so unsure
You hold my heart and you're making it new
I can trust you in the unknowns
No matter when I fear
I want to be near you, oh Lord,
even now

So even now, Oh God
lead the way
Even now, when I am scared,
Lead me on
Even now, when it's so dark
Help me hold fast to you
Even now, Lord, even now