There is Hope

I can vividly remember a time I felt completely hopeless last year. I have definitely struggled with depression before, and as a four on the Enneagram it can be often, but I think this was the first time I really felt like I was done. I had gotten to the point of feeling like, When will this difficulty and struggle end? When will I not have to feel this way? I was scared because I really was feeling like I had no hope. I actually remember laying in my bed crying. My husband Shane was outside mowing the grass. I don't think my kids were home and I thought maybe it would be easier to just be done, to not feel this struggle and pain anymore. But God. I say but God because I actually believe the Lord helped me fall asleep, to forget the struggle for awhile. I'm not even sure how long I slept, but what I do remember is waking up. I told Shane I was going to go to the store and pick up my son who I remembered was at my sisters house. As I drove down a quiet pretty street, a deer began to walk out in front of me and I remember how God spoke to me in that moment. It felt like it was His way of reminding me of His peace and His presence in my life. He was reminding me that He saw me. He knew my pain and struggle and there was hope ONLY because of Him. As I write this now I am reminded of these Bible verses that are so fitting to this:

 Psalm 42 says,
As the deer pants for water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. Where can I find him to come and stand before him? Day and night I weep for his help, and all the while my enemies taunt me. "Where is this God of yours?" they scoff. Take courage, my soul! Do you remember those times(but how could you ever forget them!) when you led a great procession to the Temple on festival days, singing with joy, praising the Lord? Why then be downcast? Why be discouraged and sad? Hope in God! I shall yet praise him again. Yes, I shall again praise him for his help. Yet I am standing here depressed and gloomy, but I will meditate upon your kindess to this lovely land where the Jordan River flows and where Mount Hermon and Mount Mizar stand. All your waves and billows have gone over me, and floods of sorrow pour upon me like a thundering cataract. Yet day by day the Lord also pours out his steadfast love upon me, and through the night I sing his songs and pray to God who gives me life. "O God my Rock, " I cry, "why have you forsaken me? Why must I suffer these attacks from my enemies?" Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound; again and again they scoff, "Where is that God of yours?" But , O my soul, don't be discouraged. Don't be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall again have plenty of reason to praise him for all that he will do. He is my help! He is my God!

So many people recently have taken their lives with suicide and I just want to remind you and be reminded that ONLY because of Jesus we have hope! He rescued me that day and I know it was ONLY Him. He has rescued me many times and maybe I didn't always realize it was Him, but I knew it was Him that day. I felt Him do it. I was also reminded to be grateful for the days I have on this earth as all of them are numbered and I want to make a difference while I'm here. I want to let people know that God is real, He loves us deeply, and He will always come rescue us. Trust in Him, wait for Him. Be reminded of His love for you and His strength to give you what ONLY He can provide. It is real and it saved me that day from hopelessness. God gave me hope to live and continues to be my constant hope in this ever changing crazy world that we live in.
If you need help please don't hesitate to reach out to God, to me and/or a loved one.