My Rescuer

In the past few years I have gone through some of the biggest struggles of pain and loss than I've ever gone through in my fourty two years. One of those was having to relocate our family from the hometown we knew for ten years. This was a huge transition, and certainly a lot of loss in losing a home(the first and only home we had owned), our kids lifelong relationships, a church we helped plant from the beginning, the only schools my kids had been to, the feeling of being "home", a close community and I could go on. I found myself enduring some really dark and sad days. There were some other things going on also that made me feel very hopeless and I began to wonder some days where God was? Had He forgotten me? Did he move me far away to just desert me? Did He not see me or care? Where was He in the midst of my pain and hopelessness? Have you ever gone through this questioning, wondering where God is when you are broken and in your deepest pain?
I felt so alone during those times, but I knew in my heart I wasn't and He did show up for me. He was and still is my only hope when things are horrible. He came to my rescue and he taught me that there is gain in loss and without it, we would never know the power of the rescue. When we lose, we suffer and we grieve, but when we suffer, He swoops us up into His arms and rescues us in a way we can only know it is Him. He gives us peace like I can't explain. He is our one and only rescuer, the one and only healer of our hearts. He is the only one who can fill up the empty places of loss. He may surprise you. He has shown up for me in so many ways through nature. He has created sunsets I know were for me. He has sent deer to remind me of his peaceful presence. He has sent a note in the mail through a friend and then of course sent me some of the most encouraging friends to lift me up and help me stand again. He has always used music for me to remind me that He loves me and sees me. He uses His word as a balm for my soul, a reassurance of how He loves me so. He is stronger than any feelings of desperation and hopelessness we can endure and I can say that because I'm on the other side of it.
I know now that what I endured was for a season and it doesn't mean that kind of season may not come again, because it may. I know now how much I grew and learned to lean on Him for literally everything. I had to lean on Him for each breath I took, for each dreaded day I woke up to. I know now that He is the one who put me to sleep when I had horrible thoughts of ways to make the hopelessness end. I know now that He will always rescue me. Just as the Bible says he left the ninety nine for the one lost sheep. He will do this for me over and over again If I need him to. I also know He has created an empathy in me for others pain and loss because of what I endured. I can now stand with someone and say, me too! I get it! I've been there! I can now help point others to Him and how He too will rescue them in this way if they wait for Him.
When you are broken and hiding in the depths of your pain, and it seems no one can understand it...He does. He knows this pain even more than we do because He suffered on a cross for us. He was separated from His Father. He took all our sin on himself and died for us and even in all of that God the Father rescued Him. He brought Him back to life. He healed his broken body and He was taken to heaven. He said He would never leave us or forsake us and He will always come to find us in the deepest and darkest places and He will always rescue you.

I wrote this during this time as a song to the Lord,

My Rescuer

I'm hurting,
I'm sad,
It's hard,
And I don't know if I can go on
It feels so hopeless, I feel so lost,
Oh God where are you?
Come to my rescue
Come to me God,
Come to my rescue

I'm hanging by a thread,
It's dark,
I'm scared,
I can't find you...oh God
Come to my rescue
Come to me God
Come to my rescue

Only you can rescue me
Only you can know this pain
Only you can make me whole again
Only you can heal me God, oh Lord,
Only you can find me

I can't feel more loss
I can't lose again
I feel so alone
No one knows I'm dying here,
but you...
I know you can,
Come to my rescue
Come to me God
Come to my rescue

Only you can rescue me
Only you can know this pain
Only you can make me whole again
Only you can heal me, God, Oh Lord,
Only you can fill me

Thank you God
You come to our rescue
Come to me God
Come to my rescue,
Come to our rescue.