Still Learning To Trust

I was reminded recently of my cluelessness to the story God is writing. Not in a shaming way, but as a reminder that this story is not about me. It is His story.
It is rare that I doubt who I know God to be and I believe I have the gift of faith, but in the last few weeks I started doubting God. I was feeling mad at God, like He was a jerk, like He was mean and didn't see me. It seemed that He had walked away from me. You see, we knew God was taking us back to Tennessee. He had shown us and given us peace about it, but everything that could go wrong went wrong before we moved. One of the big things was that we couldn't find a place to live in Tennessee. Every place we looked was either too expensive, they didn't take our dog, it wasn't in our kids school zone, or it was tiny. Nothing was working out. I began to doubt God's provision. Hello? Are you there God? Are you seeing this? You are the one leading the way for us to move aren't you? What is the deal? He finally opened a door to an apartment and even then that was a messy scenario. So many details that were like pulling teeth to get through. Then we owed another huge chunk of money at the last minute that they had failed to tell us about until three days before we moved in. Thank God for our parents who have rescued us these past couple of years when things were so hard financially, but who wants to ask their parents ever for money at fourty two and fourty three years old? Not us,but we did and they helped and we are grateful! God definitely used them a ton in that season of our lives of church planting and living on a lot of faith!
I forgot whenever God leads the way the devil fights us big time. Our trip from Buffalo had gone smooth until we got about two hours from Nashville when we hit another bump in the road with the moving truck. It is a long, crazy story, but we finally made it later than we had planned and got into our place. Going down a thousand square feet was overwhelming to say the least, but we are moved and had many kids and adults come help move us into the third floor! We had good friends provide a meal and a friend also gave my husband a gift of some money out of the blue we were not expecting and I felt God say, "remember you can trust me? Remember I know what you need? and I felt myself again realize how faithless I am. How silly I am for not trusting Him. He always comes through even though it's not how I want it to be. It's His story not mine. It is a lesson I still haven't learned.
A few days here and bills began to show up and our daughters got into a fender bender a day or two after we arrived and I felt the devil fighting us again and trying to discourage me, but also felt so grateful the girls were fine and no one was hurt. Seriously...what else could go wrong?
Well the Lord showed up again when Shane got about five paint jobs in the first week we got here and will have made over double what we were making in NY in a month(which was a huge struggle while in NY for us to provide for our family) and I again felt God say, "Trust me Jineen. I am here and I am providing. I brought you here and I see you. I have a greater plan. I've got you".
Then He reminded me that it wasn't about me. It really is so much bigger and I need to not forget that and always remember He rescues me time and time again. He provides. He is faithful. He loves me, He sees me and He really does know what's best for me and I think the best is yet to come. Cannot wait to see it unfold. I know if the devil has been fighting it is because God has big plans for us here and I'm so excited to see what they are. Stay tuned...