God where are you?

Ever been mad at God before? Yeah me too. I am struggling with that right now. He doesn't seem to be showing up how I think He should be. Yep, I realize I sound like a jerk, but seriously some of the things that have been happening in our world right now are so ridiculous. I think you might get why I feel that way if you knew. My problem is I have expectations. I expect Him to show up when we go to TN and look for a house. (Especially when He is leading us back there) We find one and they choose someone else's application...seriously? Now we have nothing and we are supposed to move in less than four weeks. A job situation I thought would work out didn't and again I'm discouraged. Oh and we also found a townhouse that looked like an option and when we went to think about applying a bit later the price had gone up? Really? Seriously? Sometimes I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. What is happening here? God where the heck are you? Are you teasing me? Sometimes it feels like it....like everything is a cruel joke. Following God is hard. Seriously hard. Sometimes we have had more struggle than blessings and I really have a hard time with that. Like, is it always meant to be hard? Maybe it is and maybe that's the story God has for us. It still sucks and I'm still having a hard time not living in victimization because of it. Why us? Why me? Why can't it go like that for us...etc. It's a part of life I know. I just don't always understand and I know I'm not even meant to. I'm trying to think positive thoughts. I don't want to bring more negativity into our space. As a four on the enneagram, it's hard. I feel every emotion and it's also very hard to change what I'm feeling.
I just sometimes need a day for things to go well. I need it to look up and promising and see that there is hope. I just wrote a blog entry about the fact that there is ALWAYS hope. I guess I need to go read it again because I forgot. I'm sure looking for the hope today. I know I'll find it, but some days more than others, life is just extra hard.